Balance

Balance

“In jealousy there is more of self-love than love.” -Francois de la Rochefoucauld

I was going to write about and focus on being jealous in the wake of a mediocre performance in trading yesterday. I call it mediocre because I can compare my performance (based on P/L) to that of my colleagues. The difference was 10 to 1. That hurts. This means, the guys I literally sit next to made up to ten times more money than me. I know. Boo hoo. Bring out the world’s smallest violin. I have to talk about it though because this sort of thing not only happens on a trading desk but everywhere else in life.

Take a look at today’s professional athletes for example. More specific and closer to home, let’s look at pro surfing. There are so many professional surfers out there that do mind blowing things in small to ultra large surf. These guys are super athletes in my book. That is, they are focused, fit and consistent. Andy Irons is one such surfer from Hawaii. He is a three time world champion and fits the bill as a super surfer. It’s hard to imagine that there is a shadow cast over him that goes by the name of Kelly Slater, the nine time world champion. However, there it is, a three fold gap that puts Andy way back in the spot light by comparison alone. This may sound silly and maybe juvenile but I kind of understand what it feels like to be Andy. I mean the comparison the thing. Here’s the catch though. If you had to ask who was doing the most of the comparing in Kelly v. Andy, I would guess, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was Andy. That holds the same with me. I am who I am and in light of the situation and where I’m at and whatever is going on my results are based on where I fit in. What I’m trying to convey is that the whole comparison, jealousy thing is all in my head. If it was in the other guy’s head that would just make him an ass and if that was the case, I’m not jealous of an ass.

This is where balance comes in and just letting go in any situation. In retrospect of my performance yesterday I could not have been more tight, or any more conservative. I fear pain and loss so much that there is no way I could achieve the rare layup. My colleagues made more money than me yesterday, not because they are better, but because they took on more risk and were more relaxed at it than I was at being conservative. There’s nothing more to it than that. More risk and more relaxed at doing it.

 I read somewhere when asked if Kelly Slater is going to go for another world title that he wasn’t really focused on it. In other words, he’s competing because he loves to compete and loves the fact that there are other super surfers around him that will challenge him and push him. Either he is going to be the best or he’s not and he’s simply comfortable with that but stoked that he can have the opportunity to be challenged. I’d like to add one more thing though, whether he says it or not, it sure feels good being great doing it. The fact is, I love my business and I love trading. I’ve going on nine years in this business and I love it more than I started. That’s just the way it is and I wish everybody could say that about whatever it is they are doing in this world. I forget that a lot though. Maybe, just maybe, when I’m being all tight and my palms are sweating, I have to remember that it’s those moments that attract me to what I’m doing. It’s like dropping into a a six foot wave over a shallow reef. Nature’s perfect yin yang. There is pain and ecstasy existing in perfect harmony.